Dec 28, 2007
Minimum Requirements for Centering Self-Care
adapted from The Life Organizer (get a free audio CD if you order by January 15th)
Why wait until January to start taking basic care of yourself? Between surviving and leading a fully humming creative life lies the middle ground of determining your minimum requirements for centering self-care, a duded-up way of saying what you absolutely must have to stay in touch with your center. Basic needs, or minimum requirements, are different for each woman, although getting enough sleep, moving their bodies, eating fresh food, being touched, and connecting to something larger than themselves show up pretty consistently on women's lists--but again, not on everybody's. It can be easy to discount the importance of these basics, because getting enough alone time or napping when you are tired just doesn't sound as sexy as realizing some fabulous dream. Yet without these basics, the dreams don't always come true, or you can't sustain them when they do, or, most tragically, it turns out that you are not following your dreams, but rather a script about what you should do. When you reach a certain stage of commitment to yourself, you find that you are willing to give the amount of attention and energy needed to your basics, because without them, it isn't your life. You discover that you have less leeway to stray from what is essential than you thought.
Give yourself time to find your real minimum requirements. Allow yourself to notice and adjust as you go through life. Perhaps you declared some minimums for yourself early this year when you bought a copy of The Life Organizer? And perhaps you haven't looked at them for awhile? Or perhaps the idea never sparked with you— why not join our Comfort Queen Yahoo list and see what other women are doing around this minimums? (It's f*r*E*E)
Of course, minimum requirements change over time and with your situation. When my husband was sick, my minimums shrank to taking my vitamins and herbs, drinking water, and touching living things (my husband). I knew I would reevaluate what I needed after his treatment began. The paradox here is your personalized list may be your treasure map home, and sometimes you don't want or can't use it. But you can always find where you buried it. As Laraine said a few months after attending a Kripalu retreat with me:
"Making conscious what makes me feel good helps me recover more quickly from periods when I am denied them and better tolerate not having them because I know when they will resume. The list is a good reminder to eat breakfast on the screened porch looking at the birds rather than in the dark kitchen listening to news on the radio or to reach out to friends for help and in the process find out they need help from me. The daily minimum requirements are a reminder of my strengths and individuality, my right to enjoy life, and the awareness that I am a better person by doing what I want."
By writing down your minimum requirements and then paying attention to your list--perhaps posting it were you can see it or checking in with it when prompted by the Life Planner questions throughout the book or sharing it with a buddy or the Yahoo list--you become aware of what you are already doing to maintain your connection to self. You will also see what trips you up, and then you can decide if you want to do anything about it. If you have a fear of self-care--that it will make you a pampered, selfish bitch, for instance--this sort of noticing moves you toward gaining resiliency and taking more responsibility for your life. If you focus only on the big vision or on all you want to do for yourself, you can forget the basics; this focus on the ideal can keep you from getting where you want to go or from having enough energy to enjoy it once you get there. You can also make a list just for one week or month at a time (see my example below) which allows you to not over-promise or get sucked into believing you have to do something perfectly for the rest of your life.
My Minimum Requirements for January of 2008:
DAILY
Go outside
Do daily spiritual practices including pranayama and prayer: opening heart
Move my body
Take my vitamins and herbs
Make some art marks
WEEKLY
Service work of some kind
Journal
Do something fun especially with Lillian
Cook something healthy at home
Jennifer
COMFORT WISHES
When the brutality of the world threatens to crush you: the dying bees, the hungry children, the lonely nights And you want to bury yourself like my dog buries her rawhidesFurious and furtive, pulling the earth over you and everybody you love tucked safe, out of sight (and then, sometimes, forgotten)
Cast off your shoes and walk or crawlinto the forest and witness the nurse logs crumbling, feeding life
Touch the lichen, infinitely patient in its eons of duty
Lean your forehead against a big leafed maple or an ancient oak,listen to its inhale and exhale
You will not close your heart
You will not close your heart
You will swaddle yourself in light
You will continue, proudly and strongly, into the light
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